I'm angular, it’s a birthmark (defect?)
Yesterday I had the appointment with the orthopedist. I didn’t know him and I was more than afraid and nervous before the examination. Also my pain more or less disappeared, but we (Alexander and I) decided that we want to know what happened and that may be we get an answer and if not, it doesn’t matter.
First I was x-rayed; I was surprised but then thought ok that will speed the whole thing up. In the diagnostic room Alexander could sit in a corner and I was kind of in the middle and had the exit in the corner of my eye. I hate to be touched by strange persons. Even it is a doctor I get all tense and try to avoid it. The x-ray picture was hanging at the wall and in the middle between my hips was a really light ‘point’ in a shape of an almost heart. I laughed and said to Alexander: Look I carry my heart in the trousers … The orthopedist, was a small likeable man. Afterwards I would say he is an expert in human nature and was able to estimate me at once. First he kept his distance but then explained with a kind of humor that ‘What about to undress my leggings so that he can check’. He said ‘See, I’m that kind of doctor who wants to see and touch about what I speak’. Good point and I couldn’t find a reason to speak against.
All in all it was fast and he explained after a few exercises. Nothing wrong with your hips or bones. BUT look at the x-ray picture and - you man in the corner - can see it pretty well from that distance. The pelvis is angular and in fact a lot. He told me that I have this from birth on, and as a baby short after birth I should have worn a special trouser to correct that. He also found a vertebra which cause all the problem and pain. Nothing what I can’t live with it. I mean I’m almost 50 and could live with it until today without problems. But I should see a physiotherapist which can show me some movements to strength the muscles in this area so that I be able to compensate in the future.
First: Awful diagnosis and my mind tried to accept, avoid thinking. I wanted to run away from my body. A birth defect … what a diagnosis. Alexander was pretty shocked too. While driving home I said: Now it is official: I’m an angular person, now wonder. In the evening we talked several times about it and came to the conclusion that it is not the worst diagnosis. We don’t have to sit here and think about a surgery or not, I’m almost pain free, it was the first time and so on.
In the night I was restless and an anger was growing inside me. I was happy to jump out of the bed at 5 o’clock to escape my thoughts. But I was not angry about me, just hard to describe. Cleaning the paddock always help me sorting out my thoughts and this time it worked also steady. At home with Alexander I came to the first conclusion: I’m happy that I didn’t had to wear these trousers as a baby because I think it would have influenced my character or my personality. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against such methods but I have to find a way to be clear with myself. I would describe myself as a happy person, a very happy person. Of course ups and downs, but deep in my heart I’m happy and I like to be happy. I become almost 50 with this birthmark without trouble, so I’m very positive I can live with it the next couple of years. Next conclusion came in the car while driving in the office: I’m not able to accept a diagnosis like birth defect when being almost 50. It’s a birthmark! Playing with words? No, I don’t think so. My mind and soul are speaking.
So all in all I got things straightened out.